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Prepare for more cyber attacks

Sign up now! Get ahead of the BIG POOF. Learn how to navigate to the end of your driveway. For the more adventurous, perhaps walking to the store one block away by using the stars or a folded paper map.

We’ve been promised many times that our lives will come to a screeching halt when our many enemies present us with an eletromagnetic pulse blast. No phones, no TV, no cars and no GPS to lead us around by our noses.

We’ve relied on GPS to guide us over cliffs, into tar pits and drive us to distraction. It’s as if some drivers don’t bother to look through their wind screen at 90 mph.

It happened again for the first time. None of our local judges were interested. I had to thumb a ride to Indianapolis to shop a judge. Because it’s highly contagious, for the sake of our nation, every member of Congress must be placed in immediate quarantine.

They have succumbed to an anti-American brain fever that causes them to place the interests of everyone and everything except our nation and we citizens first. I’d love to see the signatures on their pay checks. It isn’t us, obviously.

Flies and gnats irritate me. Cousin Leland’s Supreme Grip fly paper had mixed results: Three escaped trustees from the Bunker Hill Air Force Base Maximum Security Reformatory, A Saint Bernard, a Komodo dragon, and four bats. Drat! No flies or gnats.

I keep six bats in the house for mosquito and critter control. I guess their radar was jammed by the Russians and the Chinese. Pulling four of my bats from the sticky paper without injuring them was quite difficult.

Congress needs to do something about this blatant Russian and Chinese aggression, if they ever get out of quarantine.

– Joe David Stevens, of Jalapa